out with the old...

i have an admission to make.

i have online identity crises.

i am in therapy for it.

they told me to choose one and stick with it.

so...girl and coconut it is.

lolabloom was right for a time but now it's time to move on.

this will remain a record of my not so sordid blogging past but for all things new, come visit me over at girlandcoconut


peace out peeps, see you on the flipside.

xoxoxo
carrie

Happy New Year!

Happy Holiday wishes from me and the kids

Wishing you all loads of love, laughter and happiness in the year to come. 2008 was a hard one for me although I am grateful for every experience. I am SO excited for a new beginning in 2009, here's to all good things to come.

Cheers!!

*clink-clink*

kitty lovin

Kitty-mart 08 by =hoschie on deviantART

via Capucha

baby it's cold outside...

here comes the snow!! got a few inches overnight to add what we got a couple days ago and then the more significant snow they predicted for today finally started this afternoon...my little bikini-clad flower holder guys out front have just got to be freezing their you know what's off :)

it's decided. i'm MUCH happier WITH heat

TA-DA!!!
it took 3 days but it's finally complete! my shiny new gas insert! OMG! Other than the fact that i have had to vacate the living room from the fumes caused by the painted surfaces curing, i'm LOVING IT. so warm, so cozy...what in the hell was i thinking living without this for the past 2 winters?!?!

hopefully the fumes will be gone in the next day or so, i'm heading over the pass this weekend for an early holiday with the fam so won't get to fully enjoy this until i'm back next Tuesday.

the hugemongous fireplace that houses the insert used to be white (photo taken during first tour of home - was rented at the time so don't even try to talk to me about that alien light):

then i painted it this brick color (and framed the mirror myself btw):
oh how everything sparkled and shined back then. look, my new tv hadn't even been fully unwrapped yet! the floors were perfection, the furniture still white and then this happened:paw on left = Maddie, on right = Abigail.

and soon it will be painted this... fireplace in graphite, walls in stone:

oh happy day!!

things are looking up

my snowy backyard & Abigail enjoying the snow VERY much

I spent the day yesterday with two of my best friends making all kinds of cookies. It was such a fun day (our feet really hurt by the end tho) of hanging out and chatting and I really needed it after the past week. It was good to be out of the house too. AND as soon as it got dark it started snowing! Every year I love the snow more and more... and I don't even ski or anything. I may have to find some kind of snow activity that I can start doing every year (that is until I can afford a snowmobile...vroooom!! ha)

I had fun playing with the dogs out in the snow for a bit this morning, they can't get enough of it. Now I'm working on cleaning up my office/craft room/junk drawer while listening to some good tunes. Nice, lazy, relaxing Sunday morning.

And to top off an already pleasant weekend, a few minutes ago I received an email from Ingrid at Raw Epicurian letting me know that I'd won a VITAMIX!! I can't even believe it. I've had one on my wish list for ages and also on my wish list for my Tut Notes from the Universe. I am so fricken excited! This is going to take my smoothies and soups and other creations up a HUGE notch. No more chunky chewy not so smooth smoothies! I can't wait to get my grubby little hands on it and start putting that thing to very good use. I think I'll have to name mine like Bunny did too. Hmmm.... maybe Maximus Decimus Meridius after Russel Crowe's character in The Gladiator... ha ha.


edit: Here was one of my Notes from the Universe...

Super-incredibly FAST is the general order of the Universe, Carrie, often with a splash of lemon, a dash of salt, and a shot of tomato juice.

And just knowing this about the "general order" makes stuff happen super-incredibly FAST. And puckers one's lips.

One VitaMix!! is on its way,
The Universe

Thank you Universe! (and Ingrid and Vitamix too!)

letter to Kiki...

Dear Kiki aka KikiBear,

I'm not sure really how to start this letter but something inside me is telling me to just write. It's hard to write through the tears that keep coming in waves, even after I didn't think I had any left to cry after yesterday.

You always did love lying in the sun, and as it moved through the sky and its rays moved across the inside of the house, you would sleep in it's warmth for a while and move when not enough of its rays were reaching you. You would keep moving like this until it no longer reached inside the window.


I remember the day I took these next pictures. It was two days after I read a tweet from a very wise friend named Dhrumil which said "Every time I observe my sister's cat I learn about presence on a deeper level." Had he not written that, I don't know that I would've stopped to watch you standing so still in the sunshine, just being present in that moment. But I did stop and watch and I took these pictures of you and even recently, when I'm thinking of how to be in the present, I always think of these pictures. It's something I'm learning from you.


Mostly you could be found snoozing under the dining room table on one (or two) of the chairs. Either that or in the back of my closet. I think you took comfort in finding a place to sleep that was quiet and dark. Maybe it was because you were shy and kind of scared at times and the quiet darkness made you feel safe.



I remember the first day I met you. You were living with 4 other kitties in a one bedroom apartment. Your caretaker had been moved to a place where she couldn't care for kitties any longer as she really couldn't care for herself. There were some nice people at her apartment complex that would look after you and feed you and your fur-siblings for a while but they couldn't do that forever.

The day we went to get all of you and take you somewhere safe, it was raining hard and it took three of us to round all 5 of you up. We could barely breathe in there as it hadn't been well cared for in quite some time, the fumes were almost too much to bear. We loaded you and JJ into the big dog carrier, with three other crates into the back of my car. I drove you home and got all of you settled in my disassembled guest room, there were beds and blankets and toys all over for you all to rest on while we figured out who might be able to give you new forever homes. That was January of this year. The past 11 months have gone by really fast.


You hid behind the mattresses for the first few days along with one of the other kitties while two others crouched down on top of them. Rosie was too old and frail to worry about hiding and creakily meowed from one of the beds that was out on the floor. Rosie passed away within a few days of bringing all of you here. She was the sweetest girl but her age didn't help her with the stress of moving. It was good to know her though and I know you two are curled up together again just like you would do when she was here with you.


You weren't ever shy about asking for some affection when you felt you needed some. It wasn't often so I didn't mind obliging when you would come sit next to me and paw me a few times while making your little chirpy noise.

Sometimes I wonder if you just never learned how to really meow. The most you did was chirp chirp chirp. And that pawing that you did, it was one of your cute unique personality traits. I will miss feeling your little paw on my arm or my knee. I wish I would've captured a picture of you doing that and a recording of your little chirpy noises.

I really liked your big ears that were rounded at the top, that's why I added the "bear" to KikiBear, it seemed to really fit you. You didn't have the typical kitty head or face, your features were more regal and you reminded me of ancient egyptian drawings of cats with your long face and more pointy nose.

You and I became good friends over the past several months. It was a lot of work and sometimes a lot of stress to have so many animals in the house but you never made it that way, you were always easy breezy and it was a pleasure really to have all of these funny and sweet personalities around.

It was especially nice to have you curl up beside me on the couch or in bed when I felt lonely.

You never complained about the food or me being at work too long some days. You were always polite and kind and even became great friends with Spook, even letting her tackle you and wrestle you down in the hallway after a sneak attack. You even came back for more sometimes.

I don't feel like this handful of pictures I have of you from the past year do justice for your 18 years of life. I'm sure you started off as a spry little kitten who would climb curtains and chase dust bunnies. I know that even though someone had you declawed, it never stopped your desire for faux clawing the furniture. I always knew when you were doing it because it sounded like little hands rubbing against courderoy. It's the same sound Furbee made when he did it.

Maybe people will think I'm crazy for writing this letter but I felt compelled to do it. Yesterday was excrutiatingly painful. I never imagined on Monday that I'd be writing this letter today. I sat with you at the veterinary office in the morning yesterday listening to the list of 8 daily injections, feeding tube, IV fluids and then some that they offered as the only option for knowing whether you would kick the infection you had on top of your advanced kidney disease and that even with that you may not have a good quality of life, that perhaps the feeding tube would be a permanent thing.

I listened to the chances of recovery with all of that invasive treatment given that you were just there Monday and stayed overnight with an IV, antibiotics and other medicines but once home you still had no desire to eat or drink. I thought about how the night before you had escaped through the doggy door for the first time ever and how I had a feeling you'd hidden under the deck. But when I looked there, I didn't see you and knew you were either wandering far away or under the house. My good friend came and found you under the house and brought you out. That didn't stop you from pacing by the windows and doors moaning yesterday.

You were telling me it was time and I knew you'd be scared and miserable spending more time in a cage and being poked and prodded. So I brought you home even though I knew what decision I'd have to make. I just couldn't do it right then, I was exhausted from my surgery the day before and it all became too much to handle. My friend Kelly came a few hours later to help me and we brought you back to the vet. But while you were home, I wrapped you up in a soft blue blanket to keep you warm, you curled up and tucked your head in there and laid quietly while I sat next to you petting your head.


I still struggle today with the decision I had to make, struggle with the memory of handing you to them to take you in the back. I feel guilty for not going with you, for not holding you in your last moments, for not speaking up and asking about options for your ashes. I feel in some ways like I abandoned you even though the vet said that you weren't really knowing what was going on as even at that point you were not completely with it and that you would be ok with them. I'm struggling all around with this for many reasons. It all happened so fast, it happened so soon after Furbee in August, I had my surgery in the middle of all of this and it's still all just too much right now.

I feel good about what I did to bring you to a safe place when you had to leave that apartment, I feel good about loving and caring for you as if you were my cat from day one. I feel good about knowing that you spent this past year and your last days in the comfort of a warm home instead of in a shelter for any amount of time. I feel like I did the right thing by letting you go yesterday and not letting you get any worse but at the same time it feels so awful.

i love you KikiBear, say hi to Rosie and Furbee for me.

FREE stuff: SELF magazine subscription...really!

Photo: Self

Hurry folks, no idea when this will disappear. Go here to sign up for your free subscription (I used to subscribe and it's alright, i like magazines in general so another subscription with shiny pages and pictures always makes my heart sing).

Again...go here.

Found at Wisebread via LifeRemix feed.